The fine line
between "authenticity" and "manipulation" -- and who
decides where to draw it?
Dave Asprey
interviewed a guy who does charm "boot camps." His program walks
people through their interpersonal blind spots and hang-ups, and coaches them
on how to improve. Asprey brought up the sub-culture of "pick-up
artists," but the guest assured him that's not what he does. Those people
are "creepy" and "psychopaths," he told Asprey, and in fact
he "screens out" anyone who is just taking the course for such
shallow, immature reasons. If they're just there to learn how to manipulate
people, rather than to become more authentic, and grow as a person, he doesn't
want them. He described how the inner self really does have to change for the
outer persona to be more charming: one
begins acting differently, which creates a different response from people, which
sets up a positive feedback loop that encourages more confident, outgoing
behavior. (Although there is a hitch in that logic --- initially at least, he's
telling you people will be faked out -- "fake it till you make it" I
guess. Then eventually you grow into your "fake self" and that
becomes your real self. Or something.)
Another slight ---
or perhaps major --- contradiction: he
hates "creepy psychopaths" as I said (interesting how that term
"psychopath" has taken off), but then he went on to describe how,
among his other graceless candidates for charm school, were Navy SEALS. That's
right. Sometimes you don't just want to drive around in other countries looking
tough, breaking things, and killing innocent bystanders who get in the way. You
might want to cozy up to the enemy --- just long enough for him to get
comfortable, at least. Then you sneak up behind him and slit his throat!! Or
take him to a black site for a little (no doubt charm-filled) enhanced
interrogation. That's no problem, apparently, but picking up chicks for casual
sex is just too much for his tender sensibilities...
