The fine line
between "authenticity" and "manipulation" -- and who
decides where to draw it?
Dave Asprey
interviewed a guy who does charm "boot camps." His program walks
people through their interpersonal blind spots and hang-ups, and coaches them
on how to improve. Asprey brought up the sub-culture of "pick-up
artists," but the guest assured him that's not what he does. Those people
are "creepy" and "psychopaths," he told Asprey, and in fact
he "screens out" anyone who is just taking the course for such
shallow, immature reasons. If they're just there to learn how to manipulate
people, rather than to become more authentic, and grow as a person, he doesn't
want them. He described how the inner self really does have to change for the
outer persona to be more charming: one
begins acting differently, which creates a different response from people, which
sets up a positive feedback loop that encourages more confident, outgoing
behavior. (Although there is a hitch in that logic --- initially at least, he's
telling you people will be faked out -- "fake it till you make it" I
guess. Then eventually you grow into your "fake self" and that
becomes your real self. Or something.)
Another slight ---
or perhaps major --- contradiction: he
hates "creepy psychopaths" as I said (interesting how that term
"psychopath" has taken off), but then he went on to describe how,
among his other graceless candidates for charm school, were Navy SEALS. That's
right. Sometimes you don't just want to drive around in other countries looking
tough, breaking things, and killing innocent bystanders who get in the way. You
might want to cozy up to the enemy --- just long enough for him to get
comfortable, at least. Then you sneak up behind him and slit his throat!! Or
take him to a black site for a little (no doubt charm-filled) enhanced
interrogation. That's no problem, apparently, but picking up chicks for casual
sex is just too much for his tender sensibilities...
I mean sure,
manipulating women for sex may not be ethical, but isn't there some hypocrisy
there? He can't stand those creepy losers who just want sex without commitment,
but meanwhile since everybody just loves the military, he has no problem with their psychopathic behavior. It's for a good cause after all-- serving the
Empire and exploiting the world's resources for our own ends! Yeah, baby...
One rather wonders,
what if he is just being a player by claiming to disdain any and all
manipulation of women? Given his lack of concern at teaching people to use
manipulation to actually kill people, I mean. Maybe he's just manipulating us.
Like a psychopath would.
Actually I'm sure
he's probably "genuine" about teaching people how to be
"genuine," it just seems like an inherently contradictory
proposition. Here is how to manipulate people, to get them to like you, by
being more authentic... But somehow, first, you have to change your
"authentic" self to be the person everyone loves, based on
subconscious genetically ingrained social cues. Or something.
It's funny to me
that he screens out these shallow, worthless psychopaths that occasionally come
to his classes and ruin it for everyone else. I mean, what is he saying here?
Perhaps he refers them to a therapist, otherwise it seems like he's decided
there's an explicit red line between psychopaths and other people, and those
people should maybe (in his world?) be wearing armbands or something. I mean
help us out here, we want to know who they are too. Don't just keep it to
yourself. They're so yucky and creepy, those psychopaths. Ugh.
Of course, there is
that one problem again if he turns out to be a psychopath -- how would we know
after all, he's the one that can spot them? Maybe he's just figured out all
these tricks, and is using his "charm school" for his own creepy
ends. After all what would a true creep do other than to manipulate his way
into just such a position, as a self-proclaimed master of interpersonal
communication... I'm joking of course, just saying is all. It's just odd to me
how he has no use for some straight-up manipulators, but then can walk a fine
line where he and his clients "get what they want" but while being
"genuine." They still have manipulative ends, ultimately --- get
laid, kill the enemy --- but somehow, on the way to getting there, I guess
they're being authentic? When they do it, it's got class and integrity. Or
something. They've worked on their inner selves, become genuinely confident
alphas, and now they deserve to get laid and kill the enemy. That's not
manipulation, it's justice.
Kicking ass, taking names
Elsewhere in their
talk, he described a formative experience with a law firm mentor, who explained
that working billable hours was a great, necessary technical skill, but not the
same as being a kick-ass guy who pals around with other kick-ass guys, and
makes deals. Now that's a crucial role (kick-ass guy) and way more fun.
Combines business and pleasure (heavy on the pleasure and luxury and fun side,
too -- a deal takes 30 seconds, leaves all that down time for palling around
and having fun.) Anyway, this appealed to our subject. Naturally! It sounds
very appealing... who wants to be a law-gnome, or code-gnome, or any other kind
of gnome... toiling away under the fluorescent lights day in and day out, while
others have all the fun. And yes, under the current regime of shitocracy, both
types are "necessary." Gotta have the gnomes and the funsters.
Gnomes might resent it, but have difficulty gathering in groups, so can do
nothing about it. They'd need a funster to defect, to lead them into the light,
and that ain't gonna happen.
It just seems, if
the charm master will pardon me, like a slightly superficial response (albeit
understandable) to say, "hey, nothing wrong with the system --- if those
guys (the gnomes) want to throw away their lives, welcome to it -- I know which
side I'm choosing!"
I guess it would be
asking a bit much that he, or anyone, should reject the system altogether ---
the "creepy" "manipulative" "psychopathic" system
--- and try to create some alternative. I mean come on, how likely is that??
Not bloody... Meanwhile, the current system is wide open to exploitation if you
know the right "interpersonal skillz." (If you're a sincere ass-hole?
If you're a beautiful manipulator? If you mean well as you rape and pillage?)
That sounds pretty
harsh, in actuality I really think he is probably teaching useful skills and
has good insights.
And of course if I'm being honest, I'm just bitter because I have too much of the taint of the
gnome clinging to me. I could use a course like his (assuming I didn't get
weeded out...) Yep, I don't get to hang out with the big dogs while women get
all wet and moist wishing they could bask in my easy command of any situation.
(That sounds sarcastic, but it's clearly not... I'm sure I'd get sick of
playing hand-ball with douche-bags in expensive sportswear, but the perks
(aforementioned) would make up for a lot of dull days on the racquet-ball
courts. And I might even enjoy the gongkwon yusul classes.)
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